People of this Blog - i'm running for Prez

Logan here, resurfacing for a bit of commiseration and let's admit it, I have to marvel at the finer turns of this young country. If a Blog was originially a fine term for a block of cheese, what used to be what we now call an Election?
Rocky, Kojak, my apologies: I hail from Missouri and even the nether regions where W stickers abound and gay is still an insult . What's wrong is that no one there in the 'heart' land ever really identified with Kerry, he's "eastern" and threatening (because he's 'foreign', DC elite etc), as provincial as it sounds, its not actually that much different from the way we feel threatened by their view of the world. That is, I sure as hell don't like to align myself with the likes of my Springfield neighbors--hence, I don't ever plan to move back. Besides they (pentacostal c's, or even hard core c's) don't even count Catholics are Christians (no joke). Possibly it has to do with a certain amount of education and contact with "other" people (non-midwesterners). But come on, only about 20-30 percent of Americans are churchgoers--why is it that we've given about 4 million CF's power to dictate? I think the whole moral values shit is more shit than stat. (For example, my parents are liberal/democratic Christians--there's got to be 4m of those in the reds). There's also got to be a large group of midwesterners that isn't particularly pious but nonetheless feels Bush represents them better, cause he's just a simple, conservative, humble dude. People only seem to vote for who they think is most like them or they like most.
Which brings me to an important question: is Bush better looking than John Kerry? Personally I kind of like the long face better than the smirky face, the cut of a windsurfer better than that of a baseball player. Which brings me to suggestions for the next election: why not have some contest of physical mettle? Let's face it, if we're going to concede to an entertaining media, couldn't it be truly entertaining? none of this 'debate' crap, where they just rehearse their tired lines and 'burn' each other and give the same damn speeches over and over. Shouldn't we let them show off who they really are, their talents and creativity? Then we could really see who gets to be the man...
Then there's the basic fact that people who live in red states just don't think the trappings of easternness , or westernness, are cool, enviable, or admirable. loafers and blazers? not cool.
apartment when you could have a house? not cool. spending money on things you can't get anywhere else? not that cool. Hey , what's the difference between morals and values anyway? What happens when you put them together?
But don't despair: I have thought up a few tips for those of us who spent the third of November in a fog of disappointment and disbelief and who don't care to envision the next weeks or years. But to get ahead we need to think long term, and i mean like LONG TERM. I say, if we each have four or five kids within the next 4 years (fertility drugs recommended), we could get a leg up on the larger families in the midwest, the mormons, what have you. But that's not enough. Then, we need to firmly establish ourselves within Red states. Kojak you must return to Ohio and make Democrats!!!! Or we could establish a commune of sorts in the Ozarks, thus covering some of Arkansas, some of Kansas, some of Mo, and populate and convert. I say in 18 years those red states could look different. Forget about CA, forget about Chicago, forget about NY and NJ and DC--it's no longer cool. In fact it's no longer even properly American! We should learn to be less tolerant of our neighbors and more demanding that they think like we do. Did you know that in the town i grew up, when Community talk became the new thing for civic govt to focus on, there was a huge hulaballoo over whether "Tolerance" should be include among the official list of the community's values???
My other idea, even sneakier, is that we should ALL join the Republican Party!!! then we could fuck up all sorts of things, the fervent red rallies and polls and stats all at once... if one of us was really slick, he or she could run for office as a "Republican" and then have a "change of heart" once in office. Or we could run just to lose, always a sporty tactic. It's not an uncommon existence, pretending to be something you never will be--just look at Mr. O'Reilly.
I think it'd be fitting if we just refused to acknowledge the word 'bush' anymore. That is, if you hear someone talking about "Bush" on the subway, make sure to say loudly, WHO? Who is that? some reality TV show guy? never heard of him.....in fact, from now one I have to write it "B+_***&" or simply B---- . or just *&$%@! There are no more '*&^$#es, only trees.
And you know, with 18 years ahead of us and our bourgeoning families, that gives us ample time to devlop the SUPERCASE. Just imagine if the democrats had had the special text whose power is unheralded and its printing convinces ANYONE, we've got no time to lose. I'm so TIRED or writing in UPPERCASE, my GOD, I wish some kind of something would come in to the world and SAVE US ALL. One last tip: if you really want to wonder what's good about America, and why government is never what you want it to be, go see Hearts and Minds, the peter davies documentary. Even better, see it on election day. Fellow Dems/"Repubs", the future is waiting....I'm going where the red is....

logan undercased is disbelief