Ridiculous Shorts Adventure

Yesterday the Temperature here in New York City. was OVER 90 degrees. I realized I didn't really have a viable pair of shorts. So off I went to BIG Ds to buy some. It is a huge cheap cheap cheap junk 99cent type of dept store. I found some shorts that had a pattern that I liked. I took them up to the counter and said
"Can I try these on?"
and she was like "?"
and I was like "Is there a dressing room?"
and she was took the shorts and started ringing me up.
So I got home and tried the shorts on and THEY WAS TOO TIGHT AROUND THE WAIST.
DAY #2
I went back to the store and said, can I return and get a new size
YES she said. So I got the 34 inches waist version of the shorts. NOW i knew I was going to have to "MODIFY" these shorts at home becuz they were way WAY LONG and "G"ed out. BUt I figured HEY +++ no problem. I just need to make them SHORTER. so I get to cuttin. then I realized YIKES these shorts are the right length now but peoples are going to see right up Me crotch cuz theys is so big. I tried to sew the pants legs a TIghter,. It seemed I was getting so close to perfections. PERHAPS TOO CLOSE for when I tried them on? It looked like a huge diaper. Or a bag on my rear. which you can see here. Needless to say these shorts are not going to be worn and they are destroyed :( :( :(:(:(:(:(
rky